5 months pregnant & I’m beginning to wonder about labour and how I’d ideally like to have my little lamb😳! I know this is a little early & the day is still a long way off, but it seems this question is also on the forefront of others minds too! (Mostly other mums)
Although 90% of people (all ladies) seem to support my “I hope I can deliver naturally, but I have had two C sections” worry. They smile & agree that I should do what’s best for me & baby and say nice things like it wasn’t meant to be the last times and you did the best you could😊.
However, There is this elite bunch of (obviously superior) mummies that look at me with questions in their eyes “why did you have to have one in the first place”, or “did you not try hard enough” or even telling me how they “nearly had to have one but wouldn’t let the Doctors do it as they just give them out willy nilly now”…almost as if I’d said to the surgeon “pretty please” they would have let me give birth naturally…
My first labour started on my birthday and continued for days building up to a four day extravaganza where the surgeon said “your babies head has swollen which could result in brain damage” – at that moment after days of stalling and telling the midwife “I can do it”….I even pushed three times….those words sent the fear of God in me & I didnt care if they had to chop my head off to get her out, “do what you have to, to get her out safe” my husband cried….5 minutes later she was in my arms, happy & safe!
Because of this I have a scar on my tummy as well as my heart and it seems that I have been branded ‘inferior & lower-class’ for my choice of giving birth! That someone whose labour was problem free & without any pain relief (basically had bitten down on a branch to stop any pain), is far more worthy of this ‘badge of honour’ then someone who had to have an operation in order to have their bundle of joy. I’m continually judged and looked down upon because apparently I took the easy route & all the doctors were exaggerating and when he said my daughter had a chance of brain damage, I should have told him where to go & continued my battle to birth naturally!!!
I wish I was that strong, I wish I could have been 100% sure that my baby would have been ok….but I couldn’t – 3 million babies die every year through childbirth, 800 mothers every single day!!! The vast majority in third world countries where they don’t have the benefit of these ‘over careful’ doctors or these ‘ridiculous’ machines that tie you up & stop you having the beautiful water birth you dreamed of! They have to walk for hours before even seeing a hospital & by that time it’s too late – the chance of having an ‘evil’ epidural that might hinder you ‘feeling’ the joyful contractions is only a dream for these women & the indignity of giving birth on a side of a dirt track is the only birth plan they get!
Life is hard enough without women making other women feel like they aren’t good enough….I feel sad that I have been judged and still feel embarrassed & not worthy enough to say how I gave birth…the look, the tutt, the “oh well maybe you can next time” like natural labour is a prize for good behaviour….means I now avoid the subject, smile sweetly & pat them on the back saying well done, 10 points for giving birth without any help…my two babies are here, safe & loved & hand on heart of the Dr’s had said you need to chop your arm off, swallow this pill I would have!
I should be proud & from this day on I will be!
Babies and burpees 
I can relate to this so much. I, too, have had 2 c – sections, neither by choice might I add, and yet I was told by one “lady” that I hadn’t actually given birth because I didn’t push my babies into the world. Some people can be so small minded and ignorant. My babies lives were at risk, my eldest was 6 weeks premature and becoming distressed as labour wasn’t progressing as it should, and my sons heart rate dropped dramatically so I had to have a general anaesthetic with him. It’s all very well and good for people who can have a natural, worry free labour, but for those of us who didn’t, we did the very best we could for our babies and for me, that’s the best start in life I could give them.
Thank you Ellie, it’s lovely to read I’m not going crazy – it’s been bothering me for years so I thought id just be brave & see what people thought x
And well done you! So many women go through the same nasty, snide comments but at the end of the day every woman who has brought a little life into the world, no matter how they were delivered, are all equal in my eyes 😊 x
Thank-you for sharing your story. It amazes me how cruel and unkind some women can be – it really shouldn’t matter how your baby arrives into the world, and it certainly doesn’t make you less of a mummy for having a c-section. I’ve had four c-sections – the first was an emergency, and both my daughter and I would have died if that hadn’t happened, and I will always be eternally grateful to the surgeon who made that call, and my husband who had to agree to it. As my other three babies were close in age so I didn’t have a choice but to have a c-section. For years I was made to feel guilty or bad about having a c-section by women and men who are so ignorant about the difficulties that can be involved in childbirth. I am so proud to be a mummy of four and very proud of my c-section scar which always makes me smile, as without it I wouldn’t be here with my beautiful babies, sharing life with my amazing husband! So ladies be proud to be mummy’s – our bodies are truly amazing!!xxxxx
I had an emergency c section with my son his heart rate dropped every time I moved from my left hand side so after 24 hours of labour pins and needles like you wouldn’t believe 😊 and then meconium our consultant made the decision that my son needed to be born within minutes. Would a c section have been my first choice no it wasn’t but delivering my son safely was always my first choice. Everyone’s experience is different and for different reasons. It’s a shame that women can’t be supportive of each other. In the end why does it matter how baby arrives it’s important they arrive healthy and well and are loved.
thanks for posting your strong message about this. I couldn’t agree more. I have had both types of birth and both were complicated and scary. I have also had to have years of fertility treatment and many losses and health risks. It never fails to surprise me how insensitive and competitive some women can be to other women. It’s like giving birth and having children is the new fashion and it’s the style of pregnancy and birth that’s important. Like you all I cared about was and is the health and well being of my babies and being the best parent to them. My body is still ravaged after my last birth by c-section I actually still look pregnant a year on due to abdominal muscle damage but every trial and challenge has been worth it. I feel so fortunate despite not meeting the expectations of certain folk. Health, love and family is all that matters ❤️
Thank you Joanne – I couldn’t agree more x
I’ve had 2 cs – both unplanned. After the first I felt so guilty – like I really should have tried harder and worse my son has a permanent deep scar on his cheek where they cut him as they cut me. So years later when I had my nxt and last baby I was determined – hypno birthing – chiropractor – swimming… it was
certainly a super fast labour on gas and air but my baby was in distress and bla bla bla (there is always a reason and they are all valid). I cried and cried and cried. But i feel a bit stronger now. I want to be a great mum/parent and I think I get tested on that every single day since the “delivery” – perhaps if the dr.s didn’t intervine i wouldn’t have that opportunity.
Jordan – you should feel proud of what you have done for your kids. I had an epidural at the earliest convenience with all 3 of mine – no one gives you a medal!! This is top of my mummy hates along with judging for breast feeding! I fed all mine as I found it very easy – not everyone does, but the guilt laid at their doors is ridiculous ! I sometimes wonder what the female movement was all about – equality, freedom of choice? Only if I agree with you sister!! Rant over x
Love this post…..:-) well done for speaking out! I had two c sections too, one emergency and one classed as an emergency but thankfully not in an emergency situation, “failed VBAC” I think this is where the stigma begins………..the medical terminology “FAILED” id like to know exactly what I “FAILED” at, my babies are both here safe and healthy and like you this could have been very different had I not been fortunate enough to have medical professionals to recognise the risks to my babies! I did/do feel a little cheated as I laboured (full on labour) for 56 hours and was fully dilated when the decision was made to go to theatre, but I don’t feel like iv “FAILED” I went through hell and back to get my babies here safely and Id never put my babies at risk to wear that imaginary badge of honour! xxx
I have never had a c section, both my daughters were born I guess as people would say completely naturally as I had no pain relief etc so I suppose I should be ultra proud of this however I’m not. I’m proud I have 2 amazing daughters, I’m proud I grew them, I’m proud of everything they do but I think how they entered the world matters not one bit. I (and I appreciate it is easy for me to say as I didn’t have to have interventions) wouldn’t have cared how my girls arrived so long as they were safe equally I could care less how anyone’s else’s baby arrives so long as mother and baby are safe. I personally feel that c section is probably harder-hats off to you ladies I had abdominal surgery unrelated to pregnancy but have a large scar and my God was recovery hard and I didn’t have a baby to cope with. I am a teacher and I can’t tell nor do I care how my students were bored I think (and it’s only my opinion) how you come into the worlds doesn’t matter it’s the impact you have while your here. What right does anyone have to judge another for the choices (or lack of choice) that people make or have.
Hello all! My doctors recommended a c section on my first baby as he was such a large size and I enjoyed the whole experience so much that I was more than happy to have one on my second. I can’t wait for my third in September! It’s a lovely, calm and predictable experience. Best of all, you get to spend a whole week in hospital snuggling your brand new baba. It never occurred to me that people might be interested in, never mind judgemental of which end of me my children came out of!!
I completely agree with you. I had my first by emergency c-section due to failure to progress and my daughter becoming distressed. Now
my second is ginormous and breech so c-section here we come! And yet my husbands work mates constantly give him advice on the risks of c-section and alternative therapies to try instead. Good god. What people fail to understand is that these days you are given the illusion of control over how you give birth. Some people are lucky – what they imagine will happen, happens. But the truth is that your body will do whatever it wants and you actually have no real control over the process. Some people can’t have babies naturally but unfortunately for a lot of them, they don’t find this out until they are in the middle of an unproductive or very stressful labour. Plus your baby may not cope with labour, for whatever reason. These aren’t choices you make. Others being smug – they can do one – they got lucky, and good for them. But that doesn’t happen to everyone. And applied to anything else that you have done in a hospital – ‘well my leg was hanging off by a thread but I said, nope! No pain relief for me! And I used lavender oil and a whale CD and just willed it back together again’ – the idea that you can just override what your body is doing by force of will alone, is wrong.
I am nearly 24 weeks pregnant with twins. There is a much higher chance that my babies will be born by caesarian than if I was only having one baby. If I have a choice between being able to brag about a drug free birth or having my babies delivered by c-section that a medical professional deems necessary, the c-section wins all all day long.
The safety of my children is now and will always be my priority and the opinions of someone who think they are superior to me because they gave birth naturally mean nothing to me. There is nothing easy about a having a major operation on top of having to take care of a newborn baby. Perhaps if these people had experienced the other side of childbirth they would express their opinions with a little bit more caution and consideration.
I really enjoyed reading this post, you should be proud, you have definitely earned the right!
Thanks for highlighting this issue.
I’d just like add that there are also women who happily choose a caesarean birth and can be judged not only by mothers who gave birth naturally, but also by other mothers who had caesarean births ‘but needed them’.
Thanks again!
If anyone would like to share positive stories of csections or other interventions I started this MumsNet thread recently in the hope that it might offer some support to women who’ve had, or are likely to need, interventions of any sort. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/2385276-Anyone-else-have-a-positive-experience-of-hospital-birth-interventions
Interventions such as csections save lives and women should be proud of their birth story no matter how it goes!
Wow!I had to scream and cry and literally beg them to give me a section after a million hours of labour.I’ve had a natural birth,a forceps one and the last was emergency section and the recovery time of the section felt like years it is ABSOLUTELY not the easy option and in my case not given out “willy nilly” and if I was to give birth again (never gonna happen lol) I wouldn’t hesitate to ask for one as my childs health is far more important than anyone’s opinion x
Thank you so much for finally saying this. I had my first child naturally – but was induced and my waters broken early as he had stopped growing and the consultant wanted him out so he wasnt at risk, and my second was a planned c-section. As soon as I found out she was breech I said I didnt want anyone trying to turn her – Id heard some shocking horror stories and at no time did I feel judged by the midwives for my decision. In fact a very senior and experienced midwife said she would have done exactly the same. The only time I felt critised was by a consultant on the day of the op, but she wasnt involved at all so I ignored her. If anyone asked when I was due I openly said on 23 Feb but am having c-section on 16 Feb. Some openly judged me, some silently, but that is their problem not mine. I never had the whole birth experience of your waters breaking and the exciting mad hospital dash, but I did – still do and always will – the best for me and mine and dont regret a second of it. Until someone is in exactly the same position as you they cant know what it is like and you shouldnt let them dictate what you know is the right decision.
Thank you so much – I too faced a choice – a third hit of high blood pressure after three days labour and induction that led to 4cm max, doc said to my husband If it was my wife, we’d be straight in for a section so that’s what we did. We live in a wonderful place where we have the choice to make sure we and our babies live, its a tough decision but we are every bit of a real mum as natural birth. Expecting baby 2 now and am realistic about my options, safety is ultimately it for me, even tho it took me a good while to come to terms with it. Love to all you mums who have been there xx
I was very lucky in that it all went how i wished it would … drug free water birth (if i were in hospital i think i would have probably opted for drugs … man it hurt like hell!) I was home 5hrs later with my bundle of joy … a few stitches were needed so i was sore but my recovery time was a week or two … i cannot begin to imagine how much harder and longer the recovery time after a c section is … c sections definitely aren’t the easy way of doing it … anyhow why are people so damn concerned about how others give birth … the main priority in every birth is a safe delivery and a healthy baby and i think people need to remind themselves of that! The same i feel can be said about feeding … why are some breastfeeding mums so ready to judge those who bottle feed … no consideration is given for those who have tried their hardest and have not been able to for whatever reason … we sadly live in a world where people are too ready to judge others while making out that they are themselves perfect! At the end of the day we are all only human and should not judge others.
I said something similar on my Facebook recently because I had read a recent news article about a group of people protesting and saying that a c-section is not a real birth. It made me mad because it wasn’t an issue of me being too posh to push. It saved my life and my son’s life! If we lived in medieval times then I would be dead. I think it is sad that some people see a c-section as something for women who opt out of a v-birth. Not only is a c-section a serious surgery, I still have some numbness and scar tissue in that area. It took me about two years to heal where I felt okay again. It traumatized my husband because he had seen behind the curtain. It traumatized me because after husband and baby left the room, the doctor was talking about her Christmas party (this was the day after) and the other doctor said, “Remember to put…” and my doctor said, “Oh yeah.” Remember to put what? My cervix back in? lol That haunts me. If I had a v-birth maybe I would have healed better or differently. But the pay-off is I now have a healthy ten year old boy that I love very much. And I would go through all that again just to have him.
I so totally get where you are coming from. I begged for a c section first time round and they all refused but I ended up with so much damage that 6 months later had to have corrective surgery – when I went to see the GP she told me that it was all part of having a baby and that basically I should just deal with it. Second time round I had an elective C section and it was so much better, my recovery time was much less and I felt so much better in myself however I do feel like I was judged by some for taking “the easy option” but I was happy with my decision.
What upsets me more is how judged I felt by the superior mummies and how much pressure I was placed under to breastfeed when blatantly it wasn’t happening. This is a topic that makes me feel really sad, because as a mum you try your best and I was made to feel like my best wasn’t good enough. When I took my girls out and made them a bottle I felt self conscious and insecure but as it happens both of mine have had serious food intolerances and have had to have Neocate.